tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14067020159395490412024-03-14T03:31:22.483-07:00On your mark, Get ready, Get set, GO! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02615592985895051634noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1406702015939549041.post-74808894236250952702013-01-22T23:17:00.003-08:002013-01-22T23:29:53.412-08:00Why the heck are we running all of these miles??<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was the month after our 2- year anniversary when the crap hit the fan. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was on the elliptical when I saw that my husband's bi-weekly XXXchurch accountability email had arrived. Jason and I had what I thought were light bouts with porn, but under the words, “the following questionable links have been looked at,” I saw a much more heartbreaking list than ever before. After clicking through a few of them, it was confirmed: My husband had a problem with porn.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I stumbled off the elliptical and called Jason. He barely got a “hello” out before I started sob-screaming at him. I told him I was loading up my stuff and heading to my parent’s house, four hours away. He begged me not to go and left work to come to me as soon as he could. He found me curled up in the bathroom.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not sure why I chose the bathroom, maybe because I needed the entire roll of toilet paper, but I found the floor most welcoming to my uncontrollable crying. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jason knew things had to change if our marriage was going to survive. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I got myself together, I whimpered out, “tell me everything.” When he did, I realized Jason’s battle wasn’t just a battle, it was an addiction. He was looking at it on a daily basis. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I felt sick. Hurt. Betrayed. I told him I was done. I didn’t deserve to feel that way. It was the push Jason needed to finally come to terms with his addiction and do something serious about it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jason started a very intentional accountability relationship with someone he knew who’d been through something like this already. We all read through “<a href="http://www.christianbook.com/battle-workbook-winning-sexual-temptation-victory/stephen-arterburn/9780307457974/pd/457974?kw=every%20mans%20battle&event=PPCSRC&p=1018818&gclid=CJHBzLDAjrICFWWCQgodhg0ASA" style="color: #073763; text-decoration: none;">Every Man’s Battle</a>” together, fasting and praying throughout the first 40 days. He and his mentor identified the areas in his life that were wide open for temptation and set up healthy boundaries. For example, he started going to bed when I went to bed and there were passwords on all of our computers. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I committed to journeying with him in these things. That was the beginning Jason’s road of recovery. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I’ve found that although this was Jason’s problem, the solution takes both of us owning it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; border-collapse: separate; border-spacing: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; border-collapse: separate; border-spacing: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a fine line because I feel as though women take on this idea that its their fault when their husbands struggle with porn. Personally this was a great struggle for me and still can be on bad days. There is this inner voice that can say, "If you just had sex all of the time!" or "If you would lose some weight, then he would be more attracted to you and not have the need to look elsewhere." I had to get to a place where my identity and confidence was NOT found in Jason, but in the Lord. As I have learned to do this the blaming myself for his struggle fades. What really began to open my eyes to this truth was when I read Every Man's Battle with him. The book does a good job of identifying why this is such a struggle for men and also has a section that was written by the authors' wives. I learned the nuances of this struggle and how to balance his responsibility and my partnership. Lastly, I learned the importance of pursuing a healthy sexual relationship with Jason, even though I was still healing from the hurt that I had experienced. Believe me, there were times when all I wanted to do was go out and find the adult zip up footy pajamas and live in them, but I knew in the core of my heart that was not the answer. I had to CONSTANTLY put my insecurities, anger, hurt, and feelings of betrayal in the hands of my BIG and loving Jesus. There are still days that I struggle, but God is so faithful and patient with me!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We just celebrated our 6-year anniversary and it has been awesome to see how God has used our story to help other couples struggling in the same area. It's a taboo topic but we've seen the amazing results of talking about porn and marriage.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I won’t sit here and say that it’s been easy and all of my trust in Jason's word is in tact, or that my identity doesn’t still suffer. There are still days I get lost in my thoughts of the different women that he has seen and struggle with feeling like a visual disappointment to him. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>But we know this is a constant battle and we have to actively remain in God’s truth. Why? Because our marriage is worth it.</b> We know depth and grace in our relationship with each other depends on the activity in our relationship with God. We've seen the negative effects when that relationship is not a priority. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For example, when I am not having regular time with the Lord or taking care of my body physically, I struggle more with comparing myself. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;">Jason also got involved with triathlons, and did his first Ironman this year, raising $8000 for XXXchurch to not only help himself, but to help others fight the addiction. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So on the flip side, <b>when our relationship with God and with each other is founded in His Word and truth, our marriage thrives. To us, it is worth the work.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;">There are also some practical things we've done, to safe guard one another, (me from fear and him from addiction):</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Boundaries We've Put in Place </b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adding a password on the racier ratings on TV</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Internet filter/screening program</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No hotels alone</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Out of town accountability partner </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Going to bed together</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Asking tough questions with love</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Praying for one another</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To some, these may seem tedious and ridiculous, but they work for us and provide a stability and growth in our marriage. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><b style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px;">Our story, as we've experienced God healing our marriage </span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px;">inwardly</i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px;">, has begun to take an </span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px;">outwardly</i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px;"> effect on our lives and the world around us. </span></b><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>CALL TO ACTION</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">struggling, as a single, engaged, or married guy/girl, <b>you need community</b>. The most effective way to overcome any struggle or stronghold in your life is through the conversation, grace, and inspiration of people around you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02615592985895051634noreply@blogger.com1